If there’s one characteristic everyone aspires to achieve, it’s probably confidence. And the most common or stereotypical view of confidence lies within someone who is outspoken and engages in conversations with just about anybody. Since starting college, however, I came to realise that confidence was way more than that!
You may have noticed my absence from blogging or perhaps the irregularity in my posting or maybe you struggled to decipher the recent blogs I’ve posted. Life happens and oftentimes there are side-effects to unexpected circumstances. With every unfortunate event, however, comes a valuable lesson. Mine was a lesson in confidence.
I can’t say my confidence was boosted, neither could I say that the events made me stronger. I could say, however, that this was an eye-opening sort of thing. I may have felt very low in myself and lacked any kind of self-belief. I may have doubted my abilities and even the intentions of the people around me. But as things began to blow over, I revisited to answer some unanswered questions.
For a period of time, I refused to write because I didn’t feel confident in myself. It seems illogical because what has confidence got to do with writing? Turns out confidence has a lot to do with a lot of things. In a period of low self-esteem and a deficiency of self-belief, I’ve come to realise the true meaning of confidence.
When I say I’m confident I don’t guarantee you that I can hold a conversation with a stranger, I may not even be able to make eye contact with my closest friends. When I say I’m confident, I’m saying that I believe in myself. I know my worth and nothing can stand in the way of my happiness. Confidence is knowing that even when people don’t speak highly of you, it’s never a reflection on you, more so a reflection on how they feel about themselves. Confidence is when life throws a curve ball yet you allow yourself to topple over and eventually pick yourself back up. Confidence is being optimistic even when you’re surrounded by oceans of pessimism.
I’ve come to realise that some people embrace the light, but others embrace darkness. To some people, darkness inspires their creativity. Somehow the most famous of artists have erected magnificent pieces, sculptures, poetry, music as a result of the darkness in their lives. Me on the other-hand; darkness impairs my vision and my train of thought. I become absent, I deconstruct. But I acknowledge it and accept it.
There’s so much pressure on being “happy”. People ask “how are you?” but get taken aback if you respond with anything that doesn’t imply that you’re well. We, as human species, are bewildering. We seem to be afraid of feeling anything but happy.
The thing is, we need to acknowledge the darkness in our lives, it’s part of our journey so why run away from it? Accepting darkness in our lives can feel quite uncomfortable. How do we allow a shadow into our lives, a shadow that impairs us of good judgement, a shadow that has the potential to annihilate all that we had worked hard for?
The thing is, when you feel confident in yourself, you allow peace to enter your life. You no longer become your own enemy and worst critic. You acknowledge both your weaknesses and strengths, the light and the dark, which empowers you to reason with yourself in times of hardship.
Perhaps next time you feel lost in the dark, try finding the confidence within yourself rather than your exterior; fuel your fire, don’t just ignite it.